Happy Thanksgiving

Today we are celebrating Thanksgiving in US. It is a great time to remember all those who helped made us survive the past, who prepared us for future and who made our present so wonderful. I am thankful for my ever loving family, my caring friends and helpful colleagues. Collectively they all accept me the way I am (which is a wonder and height of their patience), still love and care for me, and that's why I am thankful here :) What else one could ask for? Thank you all!!!

My office is at the banks of Missouri river. Yesterday I was looking outside our window in the office. The weather was quite bleak and one could not see very far and it felt like the day to spend in bed reading a good book. Somehow all that weather got me thinking about connection between winter and summer. For some inexplicable reasons, I love winter. I like the time offered to us by nature to hibernate, to rejuvenate. Don't get me wrong, I love wearing beautiful sandals, skirts and flaunt as young woman but winter is the time when I usually prepare for coming spring and summer. I am futuristic so may be I look at winter as one good stop to continue for the journey to the wonderland of summer. This stop is so necessary to take because without this there will be no time to know ourselves. The summer offers us wonderful time to go out, jog, shop, party, do all worldly things. The winter offers us time to cool down, be content with oneself, find more about oneself and our connection with the god/nature/force. Have you observed that winter is the only time when you can see very far, beyond a lot of buildings as there is no greenery to obstruct your view? When just the leafless tree stand in front of you, you can see beyond it, you can try imagining horizons beyond. Why I love this time is because it offers me the vision to look beyond me and my current situations, place, friends. It offers me a view far far beyond. I like to take a lot of energy from future, imagining wonderful things and live the present much better. It also offers me time to prepare for the wonderful future to really turn into present. How can one pass an exam, without preparing for it? How can one have good food without somebody standing in the kitchen? How can a mother see the face of the baby without enduring nine months? Preparation is the key for the success in the future.

Winter has a connection with sorrows too. When we see a leafless tree, all one can think of sympathy for the tree. I like to think in a different way. When I see a leafless tree, I see its quite acceptance of situation, its firm stance on standing strong throughout the winter and its willingness to endure for future. Who really know whether a leafless tree will bloom into branches full of flowers soon, but why to care? The nature is the controller, why do a tree need to worry about anything? It's job is to blossom in spring and summer, turn yellow-orange-red in the autumn, get rid of essentials in winter and still hope for better future. What is true for a tree, is true for a human being. When sorrows surround you, all you can do is to think that this is just winter, survive it and look forward to another beginning. Whether you make it or not, you have done your job of surviving and being true to your nature of a fighter. Happy winter everybody!

Loss and Opportunity

In last few months, I read/watched really different books and movies. Sometime in January, I read a great book 'A Thousand Splendid Suns'. I was reading Khaled Hosseini's work for the first time. There are four sections of this book and I remember reading first section in one sitting :) The book is a story of two women Mariam - a girl who is unwanted child and Laila - who is princess in her parent's eyes.  In the story, Marium lives with her despondent mother away from the city. Her father visits her every so often but he is determined to keep Marium and her mother away from his real family. One time Marium decides to go and meet her father in the city, her father refuses to see her and the same evening her mother commits a suicide. In one evening, Marium's life has been changed. In few days, she gets married to an old man - Rasheed. In the second section, author depicts the story of Laila who lives in the same neighborhood of Marium. Laila is a beautiful daughter of a university professor. Laila's parents adore her and have lots of dreams about her bright future. In bad turn of events, Laila's boyfriend Tariq and her parents get killed. All her parent's dream get shattered when rowdies take hold of a city and at the tender age of fifteen, Laila is now forced to marry Rasheed. Now there are two women who had a very different past of life, are living under the same roof sharing the same misery. There are heart wrenching scenes when Laila is forced to leave her daughter, Aziza at 'homeless kids house' because they cannot afford to feed five people in the house, Aziza keeps crying when Laila leaves her, or Laila's hopeless pursuits of meeting Aziza and rowdies not letting her do that.  If you ever get a chance, you should read it to know what happens next.

Last month, I watched a movie 'Message in a Bottle'. The movie is absolutely fantastic in my opinion. In this movie, the sea, the fire, the songs, the lightening are all used really well. This movie has an excellent story (based on Nicholas Sparks'a novel), a soothing background score, picturesque cinematography. This is one of those movies in which tears will roll down your cheeks however resolute you are! The story in which a husband writes a few letters to his dead wife and passes those to the sea. The other unfortunate woman discovers the bottle. Now this bottle brings two lives together who have suffered one common thing - loss of someone they loved. The movie has same great dialogs too...

"I kept crashing into things, a little crazy, I guess. I've never been lost before. You were my true north." -  Garret Blake


"To my family...
...and to all friends and strangers.
This is a message and a prayer.
The message is that my travels taught me a great truth.
I already had what everyone is searching for...
...and few ever find:
The one person in the world...
... who I was born to love forever.
A person like me, of the Outer Banks...
...and the blue Atlantic mystery.
A person rich in simple treasures...
...self-made, self-taught.
A harbor where l am forever home.
And no wind or trouble...
...or even a little death can knock down this house.
The prayer is that everyone in the world can know this kind of love...
...and be healed by it.
If my prayer is heard, then there will be an erasing of all guilt...
...and all regret...
...and an end to all anger.
Please, God.
Amen." - Catherie Blake

"If some lives form a perfect circle, other take shape in ways we cannot predict or always understand. Loss has been part of my journey. But it has also shown me what is precious. So has love for which I can only be grateful." - Theresa Osborne.

This book and movie made a huge impression on me. Many a times we take things for granted - loving and caring parents, sufficient money, good education, healthy upbringing, in fact a power to make a choice. Laila, Marium do not get any of these great opportunities. They do not have any control on anything. Garret and Theresa's lives are dictated by fate. We take pride in thinking that we realized our dreams on our own. The thing is that there were so many factors that were right so as to aid our dreams to come to reality. When we don't understand and acknowledge those factors, we don't value those. After reading the book and watching the movie, I realized that may god make us humble enough to acknowledge everything without actually having to loose something precious...

Trek up the tower

Since March'2009 I have been on this journey of doing things that pleases me even if I have never undertaken that task before. I attended BMM conference, made friends, enjoyed the event to the fullest. I just got a chance to take my brother to the some of the biggest attractions of US (New York and Hollywood), drive 1100 miles in 5 days so that he gets to experience freedom that U.S. A. offers. I worked long hours to get projects done but at the same time enjoyed the teaching/learning process.

After all this I started thinking may be I should try the hardest thing that I can think of for me. I have never played any sports in college days. When you grow up in country like India, you cannot afford to be second best in school/college because every second best means something really precious lost. Most of us who grew up in 90's would agree that being best student means the best opportunities, the best promise to life. To be the best, you need to focus on one thing only and that is studies. Once you loose out on educational opportunities, there are not many things that you can do to reverse the situation. I guess in one billion population, there are just too many bright and hard working people that you cannot afford to divert your attention.

When you did not play much sports then participating any event that demands physical stamina is quite challenging. I thought of challenging this fact about myself, so I enrolled in 'Trek Up The Tower' competition. My colleague and friend Jeff was my role model. When you actually see somebody practicing what they believe in, it really inspires you. I think my thought was kindled because of Jeff's exemplary resolve.

Then came the first day of training. It was so bad that I was cursing myself for eating all those chocolates over last couple of months and the years that I spent without any kinda exercise. I also noticed that there a body part called as 'heart' and it really beats a lot when you climb staircase after staircase. I took it as a good sign that I have heart ;) After first session, I could not walk for three days. My colleague Elaine and our trainer Ryan advised me to take rest for a few days before trying second training session. When I did the second training session, it was all right. I think that was the day when I realized that I can actually do this. I was not sore anymore. Next sessions became fun. Making sure our group is ready at 4 PM, everybody is around, start doing stairs, count how many times we did it, forgetting the count and doing it again because we are not sure. I enjoyed the camaraderie of fellow trainees and their encouragement at every step (literally).

On last weekend, on Saturday I was driving down to downtown area and saw First National Bank building from I-80 and thought that I will at the top floor in few hours, who knew that dreams actually come true? I took 17:00 minutes to climb 40 floors. I was almost in tears that I did not believe that the journey was over so soon. I called up mom to tell her that I did it, I think she was more delighted than I was :)

What I really achieved in this event is that feeling that I can balance all aspects of life if I care to live all these special moment of life. I am thinking about that girl who used to get up at 5 AM to go to Math class, now gets up to go to Jazzercise, may be that girl has come a long way :)))

My mentor

I am watching Lord of the Rings trilogy again and again these days. Somehow my sense of quest for new adventure has escalated in last few days. I have understood that I cannot live a routine. I need every day as a new day, new experience. Last time when I watched this trilogy these many number of times was when I was preparing for GRE. GRE is an exam is an entrance exam that everybody who would like to pursue MS or PhD in USA, need to appear for. That was new exciting, unnerving experience. I never had English as primary language in my academic career and suddenly I was supposed to be quizzed on difference between abate and abet. Those four months of preparation were quite a trying. Sometimes I did not even know the meaning of meaning, so journey would prolongate to even learn one word. I enjoyed that journey, every bit of it. It opened so many new avenues for me, not just education, job but also understanding the world a bit more - history, culture of all these countries which contributed to English language. In my mind LOTR and meaning of valor, strength, courage, and faith in yourself is intertwined.

But the question now is why I am watching LOTR again. I have been working at my current company for two and half years now. These two and half years were some of the best years of my life till this point. Why? These years taught me the importance of discipline, modesty, team work, tenacity, respect, care. One phenomenal thing that I learned is seeing somebody who has all of this still working day in day out. That was my mentor - Vishal. I still remember the first time I talked with him on the phone - his manly voice clearly expressed the authority that he hold but there was something else too, he was actually eager to know me better. I was just one of the member of Java Developers team a recent graduate from graduate school. He was gifted with ability to inspire, to accommodate, to train individuals.

Next two and half years went in knowing what a great team lead can do. He showed me how to convert impossible to possible, how to challenge the problem and find many alternative solutions. I always saw him thinking of another edge case when code may not work, and spend hours in the evening to find solutions. He created the team that thought of future. He always came up with exceptional ideas. The funny thing is that he always had an excellent plan set up in his mind before even he started five month long project. The plan would include not just the people or components needed but the strategy to solve the most challenging problems. He would attack the most challenging problems first, get them out of door in five/six days. We would see him working 20 hours continuously. All of us would be stunned to see the miracles happening one after other. Our words would fall short of his praise.

I never had to go out of my work place to find new challenges, so was not needed to watch LOTR to inspire me once again. Vishal created new puzzles for us to solve, provided us the path to reach to the goal and he was so selfless that somehow gave us all the credit for finding the solutions. He understood meaning of sacrifice. One usually does not easily understand other people's sacrifice, unless that person himself had sacrificed himself/herself to a cause. When you work together till 3 AM together to complete a part of puzzle, you have already missed on all the movies/ TV serials, family life, food, laughter. The only thing that matters at that point who is awake for you and help you feel better, understand your dedication. Outside office Vishal was always fun to hang out with. We used to discuss politics, history. He knew so much about all these things too.

A month ago, he left our team to pursue another opportunity after nine years of 110% dedication to our team and our company. I will miss him as my team lead but he will always be one of the people who provided foundation to my professional life. Thats the gratitude that I will always carry in my heart!!

Last few months of transition

How do I start telling where was I in last few months? I was taking care of other parts life. I shifted to new apartment, bought new car, bought all furniture for the home. I also attended BMM convention in Philadelphia. These days my younger brother is visiting me, so I am spending a lot of time with him these days. Last few months went into lot of transition. We don't realize how we get used to everything, our apartment, car, furniture. I struggled to live at different place, drive a different car. Loosing my car was a big change. It was my first car and I was very emotional about her. She had been forgiving and protective. I remember driving experiences at the start of 2007. I was just not used to driving in USA and also on interstates. I drove that car to Lincoln a lot of times. Somehow my memories about friends, my university, initial days at my company were all intermixed with the car.

Still when a green Toyota Camryn passes by, I cannot help myself and think that it is my car. I am now getting used to new car, let's see what memories it creates....


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A few good men

Finally Netflix started offering good movies for instant watch (no offense :)).  You can watch multiple movies in a day. In fact thats what I have been doing past few weeks. Spring is already here and we are waiting for summer. Its time to revitalize ourself with whatever we enjoy - spring rain, green trees, beautiful flowers blooming around or movies ;) 

I just finished watching a movie 'A few good men'. This is one of the very few movies where you hold your breath. You know probably its going to end it well but you still are unsure. I would say good plot, good story line, very good acting. Tom cruise was really good but Jack Nicholson was superb. If the villain is played by the right actor, it becomes hell lot easier for the hero to play the role. He just have to be 'right'.  I had not really read any reviews but then found that there were very good quotes in the movie. 

Do the quotes in the movie really make an impact that you can actually relate to it? Oh yeah. I found one very good quote. Not the famous one 'You want truth, you cannot handle the truth' ;) I liked this quote 'We live by honor, code and loyalty.' Its a very simple quote but common man does not identify with it. Why should they? Its not their duty. Come on, its difficult to follow values, because we look at next person and see him/her not playing a fair game. Why should we trouble ourself with question like fair/unfair?

But seriously, what really happened to small values that made us human being. Just being born as a man, does it really make you a man or a woman for that matter? Where is the meaning of friendship, care, respect for elders,  empathy for suffering? We have lost all that. 

Thank god I grew up reading stories of King Shivaji, probably one the greatest king of all time. He founded an empire and organized a great government. He gave people freedom to practice the religion they want, implemented a great system where citizens payed taxes but when mansoon was bad, they were given food from government. Does this sound like a good governor will do?

We as kids learned about that great man and that offered our life a foundation. I have some of close friends who grew up in same environment reading the same stories. Now even though we live thousands miles apart, we still can relate to each other, because of our core common values. Everyone of us believes in small good things like love, care, respect, honor, code, devotion, hard work. Just a small incidence, I saw my friend in October 2008 at Diwali time. She was buying presents for her family. I asked her what is she buying for herself or her husband. She had money but she had not really thought about herself. She had just thought about happiness of the family. Thats something 'putting somebody else's happiness before us'!!

Yeah, these kinds people still exist. Thats how this world balances itself ... 

Work addiction

Have we noticed  'can' is a very disturbing word? It challenges you to do the impossible and as a constructive person one like to achieve impossible. So what really triggered this question? I was asked whether I can push some code to some level in one week? 'Can'? Oh yes. 5-6 cups of coffee, almost no food (not getting any fatter ;)) and non-complaining macbook helps you achieve the impossible. I could continue working till 2:00 AM. What had really gotten into me? 

I am just trying to understand my own progress in last few years. The girl who used to sleep at 10:00 PM no matter what, what has happened to her? I just want to thank god. I love what I do. I love the people I work with. They inspire me to do more and more. Just a few years ago, I could not understand how somebody can email at midnight. Now I do!! It all comes from the extreme dedication, passion towards your work. The dedication to document you work, write the best piece of code, test it well. Make sure that somebody with least bit of background can understand all of it.

Many a times you feel like an artist, first drawing an initial sketch and then to fill colors in the picture. There have been times I worked continuously for 10 hours in office, came home and started working in 20 minutes for another 4 hours. When I completed the work at 1:30 in the night, started listening song 'Zara zara' from Hindi movie 'Rehna hain tere dil main'. I was so fresh and alive, in fact I could not sleep before 3:00 :)

Software business is very volatile. Just the mere fact that technology, software, hardware changes so much, you just have to keep up. Once you get hold of these things, you want to experiment, set ways. Experimenting, researching is a very frustrating experience but at the same time most rewarding too. Software also means a lot of learning, reading. One cannot survive here without constantly reading about one thing or other. It is almost impossible to be the best in everything but of course that makes you humble and appreciative of people around carrying different skills and knowledge.

It is nice to find something that we like to this extent, enjoy it thoroughly. Dedication in something constructive activity helps so much in reducing stress because you feel lucky every moment! 

Nonetheless, it is also important to strike a balance between a passion and life. Sometimes that line becomes blurry but just the red line under the word 'addiction' helps you bring back ....