New Journey

It is more than a year since I wrote on this blog. So many things happened in last one year. Some of the things were really tragic so I did not want the reflection of those thoughts in here. I always wrote this blog with the thought that anybody who is reading it, should feel happy, feel appreciation of small treasures and find inspiration and/or motivation. There are so many things wrong with the world, people and situations around, there has to be a place where one gets belief that everything ends well :)

Today I am writing this blog from Manhattan New York. Wow, right? Such a huge transition from Omaha, NE to Manhattan, NY. I think that is the magic of life. The life has its own turns and twists. Sometimes when it happens, we experience impossible. That's how my journey has been in last one year. I am not into divulging details of personal life onto a blog, so the story will remain private. What will become public are the lessons learned. Following are my lessons from last one year.

1. Always believe in your instincts. When the instinct tell us to stop and revert back, believe in it.
2. Always love family and friends unconditionally. When the tragedy strikes, these are the only people who will guide us through it.
3. If things do not go as planned, be brave and explore a different path. Who knows there might be a treasure hidden on that path. Always believe in the warrior inside you. Please do not give up.
4. Always take care of your health. When bad things happen and you have to be on your own, good health will help in your journey.
5. Do not wait for miracles to happen. They do happen but on the path which we did not think of.
6. The world is filled with both good and bad people. Once in a while, we meet two-faced people. Our job is to believe in good people and their love, care, prayers and thoughts for us. 
7. Do not assume that a person is good just because he/she comes from a good family or has good education. Some people acquire degrees but not education. We cannot change these people, possibly pray for them.
8. Do not think that people of certain age has accumulated wisdom. Some people just grow old.
9. Sometimes unknown people help us in our time of need. Be thankful to those people and remember that their kindness should be reflected in our own behavior for somebody else in future.
10. Sometime the greatest tragedy can be turned into the greatest opportunity, one just needs big enough heart to accept the challenge. Not every journey is pleasant but every journey is valuable.
11. There comes a time when we question our faith, our place and our values in this world. When that time comes, just remember this is also a passing. Without thunderstorms and rain, one cannot see the rainbow.
12. Trying new things, new cuisines, new places, new activities has its own value. Newness tell us how much capable we are of change. 
13. One last lesson, one becomes a better human being only if we can pray and wish good for the people who put us in tragedy. When that feeling appears in our heart, we have achieved a new level of self knowledge and love. Forgetting is the first step, forgiving is the second step, praying for those people is the last step, which signifies meaningful end of the tragic journey. We are now ready to embark on a new journey. I know that I am ready for the new journey.

With these thoughts, I want to tell you how much I have been in love with my new life. I am trying to enjoy every single day, because I know now that life is a gift from the god. Now every day is meaningful, every person I meet is valuable and every activity I do is interesting.

                

This morning I did something that I am really proud of. I ran a 5 mile race in Central Park. Running activity was very out of character for me, I guess last one year helped me shape a whole different character, for which I am grateful. I started running since February of this year. I ran a lot in Brooklyn and on Coney Island. Getting up at 5AM in February took a lot of motivation but I did. When I came home with flushed red cheeks, I knew I was on right track. Today's event was meaningful in a lot of ways. It happened around the same time as my one year anniversary of NewYork stay. It was also a testament of good resolve and efforts. 

I have something special to share with you this evening. My 5 mile finisher medal!!! Its a simple medal but it signifies fight of so many people who cared for me particularly in last one year. I dedicate this medal to all of them - my family, my friends and kind people who made this impossible journey possible for me. I am forever in their debt, a debt that cannot be repaid but only acknowledged! 

With Hope, Possibility and Love from Shilpa!!!!

Kehana hi kya

I was just watching my favorite songs on Youtube today. Bombay is one of my all time favorite movie mainly because of its music, handsome Arvind Swami, beautiful Manisha Koirala and marvelous direction of Manirathnam. I know the story Manirathnam wants to tell is more serious but that is not a topic of today's blog ;) It is the music that is a masterpiece by A R Rahman. South Indian music is so soothing to ears. A use of bell (Ghanti) makes it feel more spiritual somehow. I was probably in fifth standard when this movie came on screen. We had heard all the songs before movie was released. 'Kehana hi kya' was my favorite just because it had all three elements that I liked - Kathak dance, sweet voice of Chithra and meaningful lyrics. This song so clearly says what a girl is feeling when she comes to know that she is falling in love. She is fighting with that feeling as the boy belongs to a different religion but she cannot stop herself. This song is pictured on a background of a wedding. She is singing the song, teasing her friend who is getting married but in hidden way expressing herself. She knows that he is following her and she evades him every-time. Suddenly she does not see him around, her eyes keep searching for her lover. That is the magic of the song. By the way, this site has all audio songs and corresponding lyrics of this movie.

Lots of songs in Indian classical music are also hidden ways of telling how much a girl misses her lover or husband probably he is gone somewhere. Sometimes these girls wonder if he is with another girl, now their love hate feeling combination is wonderful. Its just amazing to note that intense feeling in the midst of Taana and alaap. How much lyrics play a part in the song! Thats why songs like Kehana hi kya will be fresh after 50 years and thats why we still listen to classical music after 1000 years...

Our learning ability

There are moments when I feel that I have completely transformed myself into a whole different person. The moments when I think in English and not in my mother tongue, Marathi. The times when I crave for Italian food and not Indian food. The times when I prefer to watch 'The daily show' and not 'Seedhi Baat' (Indian television show).

Still some moments arrive and make me believe that I still have some qualities that I carry from my family, city, state and country. The times in shopping mall, I ask myself, do I really need this thing. The times when I have guests over and I run between kitchen and living room carrying food items to check whether anybody needs a serving (not a buffet style). The times when I suddenly stop programming as Marathi song starts playing on iPod.

Why does it happen that some things are always much closer to the heart even when we go 8000 miles away from it or them? The answer might be that we have inner nature that never ever changes. I guess people change the clothes, names and even country but they don't change themseleves. In one way, it is wonderful. If one had a great childhood, good qualities imbibed do not go away. On the other side, we all become part and parcel of our past and almost unable to learn new ways and thinking. That puts a lot of emphasis on the way we are brought up, doesn't it?

Last saturday, I woke up listening to a Marathi song on my iPod. It's a great feeling to crave for music in the morning more than anything else in the world. That put smile on my face. Later the same morning, I tried reciting few shlokas from 'Venkateshwara Suprabhatam'. Why I don't know, may be because I wanted to experience the childhood again. I grew up listening to Suprabhtam in the morning. My mom loved playing it every Saturday. The funny thing is all the Shlokas that I learned in the childhood, I still remember those perfectly well. I did not learn Sanskrit in my childhood, now it seems quite difficult to learn new Shlokas. That afternoon I attended 'Thyagaraja Aradhana' festival in temple which consisted of South Indian Classical Music. There was a big group of kids who were singing in front of 200+ audience. They had remembered multiple songs really well and managed 'Taal', 'Laya', 'Sur' very well. This all got me thinking, how important it is to give all types of exposure to the kids when they have infinite ability to learn and grasp. I am going to try my hardest to learn Suprabhatam even though I have crossed the age :). Has the age taken away my learning ability? We will see!!

Happy Thanksgiving

Today we are celebrating Thanksgiving in US. It is a great time to remember all those who helped made us survive the past, who prepared us for future and who made our present so wonderful. I am thankful for my ever loving family, my caring friends and helpful colleagues. Collectively they all accept me the way I am (which is a wonder and height of their patience), still love and care for me, and that's why I am thankful here :) What else one could ask for? Thank you all!!!

My office is at the banks of Missouri river. Yesterday I was looking outside our window in the office. The weather was quite bleak and one could not see very far and it felt like the day to spend in bed reading a good book. Somehow all that weather got me thinking about connection between winter and summer. For some inexplicable reasons, I love winter. I like the time offered to us by nature to hibernate, to rejuvenate. Don't get me wrong, I love wearing beautiful sandals, skirts and flaunt as young woman but winter is the time when I usually prepare for coming spring and summer. I am futuristic so may be I look at winter as one good stop to continue for the journey to the wonderland of summer. This stop is so necessary to take because without this there will be no time to know ourselves. The summer offers us wonderful time to go out, jog, shop, party, do all worldly things. The winter offers us time to cool down, be content with oneself, find more about oneself and our connection with the god/nature/force. Have you observed that winter is the only time when you can see very far, beyond a lot of buildings as there is no greenery to obstruct your view? When just the leafless tree stand in front of you, you can see beyond it, you can try imagining horizons beyond. Why I love this time is because it offers me the vision to look beyond me and my current situations, place, friends. It offers me a view far far beyond. I like to take a lot of energy from future, imagining wonderful things and live the present much better. It also offers me time to prepare for the wonderful future to really turn into present. How can one pass an exam, without preparing for it? How can one have good food without somebody standing in the kitchen? How can a mother see the face of the baby without enduring nine months? Preparation is the key for the success in the future.

Winter has a connection with sorrows too. When we see a leafless tree, all one can think of sympathy for the tree. I like to think in a different way. When I see a leafless tree, I see its quite acceptance of situation, its firm stance on standing strong throughout the winter and its willingness to endure for future. Who really know whether a leafless tree will bloom into branches full of flowers soon, but why to care? The nature is the controller, why do a tree need to worry about anything? It's job is to blossom in spring and summer, turn yellow-orange-red in the autumn, get rid of essentials in winter and still hope for better future. What is true for a tree, is true for a human being. When sorrows surround you, all you can do is to think that this is just winter, survive it and look forward to another beginning. Whether you make it or not, you have done your job of surviving and being true to your nature of a fighter. Happy winter everybody!

Loss and Opportunity

In last few months, I read/watched really different books and movies. Sometime in January, I read a great book 'A Thousand Splendid Suns'. I was reading Khaled Hosseini's work for the first time. There are four sections of this book and I remember reading first section in one sitting :) The book is a story of two women Mariam - a girl who is unwanted child and Laila - who is princess in her parent's eyes.  In the story, Marium lives with her despondent mother away from the city. Her father visits her every so often but he is determined to keep Marium and her mother away from his real family. One time Marium decides to go and meet her father in the city, her father refuses to see her and the same evening her mother commits a suicide. In one evening, Marium's life has been changed. In few days, she gets married to an old man - Rasheed. In the second section, author depicts the story of Laila who lives in the same neighborhood of Marium. Laila is a beautiful daughter of a university professor. Laila's parents adore her and have lots of dreams about her bright future. In bad turn of events, Laila's boyfriend Tariq and her parents get killed. All her parent's dream get shattered when rowdies take hold of a city and at the tender age of fifteen, Laila is now forced to marry Rasheed. Now there are two women who had a very different past of life, are living under the same roof sharing the same misery. There are heart wrenching scenes when Laila is forced to leave her daughter, Aziza at 'homeless kids house' because they cannot afford to feed five people in the house, Aziza keeps crying when Laila leaves her, or Laila's hopeless pursuits of meeting Aziza and rowdies not letting her do that.  If you ever get a chance, you should read it to know what happens next.

Last month, I watched a movie 'Message in a Bottle'. The movie is absolutely fantastic in my opinion. In this movie, the sea, the fire, the songs, the lightening are all used really well. This movie has an excellent story (based on Nicholas Sparks'a novel), a soothing background score, picturesque cinematography. This is one of those movies in which tears will roll down your cheeks however resolute you are! The story in which a husband writes a few letters to his dead wife and passes those to the sea. The other unfortunate woman discovers the bottle. Now this bottle brings two lives together who have suffered one common thing - loss of someone they loved. The movie has same great dialogs too...

"I kept crashing into things, a little crazy, I guess. I've never been lost before. You were my true north." -  Garret Blake


"To my family...
...and to all friends and strangers.
This is a message and a prayer.
The message is that my travels taught me a great truth.
I already had what everyone is searching for...
...and few ever find:
The one person in the world...
... who I was born to love forever.
A person like me, of the Outer Banks...
...and the blue Atlantic mystery.
A person rich in simple treasures...
...self-made, self-taught.
A harbor where l am forever home.
And no wind or trouble...
...or even a little death can knock down this house.
The prayer is that everyone in the world can know this kind of love...
...and be healed by it.
If my prayer is heard, then there will be an erasing of all guilt...
...and all regret...
...and an end to all anger.
Please, God.
Amen." - Catherie Blake

"If some lives form a perfect circle, other take shape in ways we cannot predict or always understand. Loss has been part of my journey. But it has also shown me what is precious. So has love for which I can only be grateful." - Theresa Osborne.

This book and movie made a huge impression on me. Many a times we take things for granted - loving and caring parents, sufficient money, good education, healthy upbringing, in fact a power to make a choice. Laila, Marium do not get any of these great opportunities. They do not have any control on anything. Garret and Theresa's lives are dictated by fate. We take pride in thinking that we realized our dreams on our own. The thing is that there were so many factors that were right so as to aid our dreams to come to reality. When we don't understand and acknowledge those factors, we don't value those. After reading the book and watching the movie, I realized that may god make us humble enough to acknowledge everything without actually having to loose something precious...

Trek up the tower

Since March'2009 I have been on this journey of doing things that pleases me even if I have never undertaken that task before. I attended BMM conference, made friends, enjoyed the event to the fullest. I just got a chance to take my brother to the some of the biggest attractions of US (New York and Hollywood), drive 1100 miles in 5 days so that he gets to experience freedom that U.S. A. offers. I worked long hours to get projects done but at the same time enjoyed the teaching/learning process.

After all this I started thinking may be I should try the hardest thing that I can think of for me. I have never played any sports in college days. When you grow up in country like India, you cannot afford to be second best in school/college because every second best means something really precious lost. Most of us who grew up in 90's would agree that being best student means the best opportunities, the best promise to life. To be the best, you need to focus on one thing only and that is studies. Once you loose out on educational opportunities, there are not many things that you can do to reverse the situation. I guess in one billion population, there are just too many bright and hard working people that you cannot afford to divert your attention.

When you did not play much sports then participating any event that demands physical stamina is quite challenging. I thought of challenging this fact about myself, so I enrolled in 'Trek Up The Tower' competition. My colleague and friend Jeff was my role model. When you actually see somebody practicing what they believe in, it really inspires you. I think my thought was kindled because of Jeff's exemplary resolve.

Then came the first day of training. It was so bad that I was cursing myself for eating all those chocolates over last couple of months and the years that I spent without any kinda exercise. I also noticed that there a body part called as 'heart' and it really beats a lot when you climb staircase after staircase. I took it as a good sign that I have heart ;) After first session, I could not walk for three days. My colleague Elaine and our trainer Ryan advised me to take rest for a few days before trying second training session. When I did the second training session, it was all right. I think that was the day when I realized that I can actually do this. I was not sore anymore. Next sessions became fun. Making sure our group is ready at 4 PM, everybody is around, start doing stairs, count how many times we did it, forgetting the count and doing it again because we are not sure. I enjoyed the camaraderie of fellow trainees and their encouragement at every step (literally).

On last weekend, on Saturday I was driving down to downtown area and saw First National Bank building from I-80 and thought that I will at the top floor in few hours, who knew that dreams actually come true? I took 17:00 minutes to climb 40 floors. I was almost in tears that I did not believe that the journey was over so soon. I called up mom to tell her that I did it, I think she was more delighted than I was :)

What I really achieved in this event is that feeling that I can balance all aspects of life if I care to live all these special moment of life. I am thinking about that girl who used to get up at 5 AM to go to Math class, now gets up to go to Jazzercise, may be that girl has come a long way :)))

My mentor

I am watching Lord of the Rings trilogy again and again these days. Somehow my sense of quest for new adventure has escalated in last few days. I have understood that I cannot live a routine. I need every day as a new day, new experience. Last time when I watched this trilogy these many number of times was when I was preparing for GRE. GRE is an exam is an entrance exam that everybody who would like to pursue MS or PhD in USA, need to appear for. That was new exciting, unnerving experience. I never had English as primary language in my academic career and suddenly I was supposed to be quizzed on difference between abate and abet. Those four months of preparation were quite a trying. Sometimes I did not even know the meaning of meaning, so journey would prolongate to even learn one word. I enjoyed that journey, every bit of it. It opened so many new avenues for me, not just education, job but also understanding the world a bit more - history, culture of all these countries which contributed to English language. In my mind LOTR and meaning of valor, strength, courage, and faith in yourself is intertwined.

But the question now is why I am watching LOTR again. I have been working at my current company for two and half years now. These two and half years were some of the best years of my life till this point. Why? These years taught me the importance of discipline, modesty, team work, tenacity, respect, care. One phenomenal thing that I learned is seeing somebody who has all of this still working day in day out. That was my mentor - Vishal. I still remember the first time I talked with him on the phone - his manly voice clearly expressed the authority that he hold but there was something else too, he was actually eager to know me better. I was just one of the member of Java Developers team a recent graduate from graduate school. He was gifted with ability to inspire, to accommodate, to train individuals.

Next two and half years went in knowing what a great team lead can do. He showed me how to convert impossible to possible, how to challenge the problem and find many alternative solutions. I always saw him thinking of another edge case when code may not work, and spend hours in the evening to find solutions. He created the team that thought of future. He always came up with exceptional ideas. The funny thing is that he always had an excellent plan set up in his mind before even he started five month long project. The plan would include not just the people or components needed but the strategy to solve the most challenging problems. He would attack the most challenging problems first, get them out of door in five/six days. We would see him working 20 hours continuously. All of us would be stunned to see the miracles happening one after other. Our words would fall short of his praise.

I never had to go out of my work place to find new challenges, so was not needed to watch LOTR to inspire me once again. Vishal created new puzzles for us to solve, provided us the path to reach to the goal and he was so selfless that somehow gave us all the credit for finding the solutions. He understood meaning of sacrifice. One usually does not easily understand other people's sacrifice, unless that person himself had sacrificed himself/herself to a cause. When you work together till 3 AM together to complete a part of puzzle, you have already missed on all the movies/ TV serials, family life, food, laughter. The only thing that matters at that point who is awake for you and help you feel better, understand your dedication. Outside office Vishal was always fun to hang out with. We used to discuss politics, history. He knew so much about all these things too.

A month ago, he left our team to pursue another opportunity after nine years of 110% dedication to our team and our company. I will miss him as my team lead but he will always be one of the people who provided foundation to my professional life. Thats the gratitude that I will always carry in my heart!!

Last few months of transition

How do I start telling where was I in last few months? I was taking care of other parts life. I shifted to new apartment, bought new car, bought all furniture for the home. I also attended BMM convention in Philadelphia. These days my younger brother is visiting me, so I am spending a lot of time with him these days. Last few months went into lot of transition. We don't realize how we get used to everything, our apartment, car, furniture. I struggled to live at different place, drive a different car. Loosing my car was a big change. It was my first car and I was very emotional about her. She had been forgiving and protective. I remember driving experiences at the start of 2007. I was just not used to driving in USA and also on interstates. I drove that car to Lincoln a lot of times. Somehow my memories about friends, my university, initial days at my company were all intermixed with the car.

Still when a green Toyota Camryn passes by, I cannot help myself and think that it is my car. I am now getting used to new car, let's see what memories it creates....


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

A few good men

Finally Netflix started offering good movies for instant watch (no offense :)).  You can watch multiple movies in a day. In fact thats what I have been doing past few weeks. Spring is already here and we are waiting for summer. Its time to revitalize ourself with whatever we enjoy - spring rain, green trees, beautiful flowers blooming around or movies ;) 

I just finished watching a movie 'A few good men'. This is one of the very few movies where you hold your breath. You know probably its going to end it well but you still are unsure. I would say good plot, good story line, very good acting. Tom cruise was really good but Jack Nicholson was superb. If the villain is played by the right actor, it becomes hell lot easier for the hero to play the role. He just have to be 'right'.  I had not really read any reviews but then found that there were very good quotes in the movie. 

Do the quotes in the movie really make an impact that you can actually relate to it? Oh yeah. I found one very good quote. Not the famous one 'You want truth, you cannot handle the truth' ;) I liked this quote 'We live by honor, code and loyalty.' Its a very simple quote but common man does not identify with it. Why should they? Its not their duty. Come on, its difficult to follow values, because we look at next person and see him/her not playing a fair game. Why should we trouble ourself with question like fair/unfair?

But seriously, what really happened to small values that made us human being. Just being born as a man, does it really make you a man or a woman for that matter? Where is the meaning of friendship, care, respect for elders,  empathy for suffering? We have lost all that. 

Thank god I grew up reading stories of King Shivaji, probably one the greatest king of all time. He founded an empire and organized a great government. He gave people freedom to practice the religion they want, implemented a great system where citizens payed taxes but when mansoon was bad, they were given food from government. Does this sound like a good governor will do?

We as kids learned about that great man and that offered our life a foundation. I have some of close friends who grew up in same environment reading the same stories. Now even though we live thousands miles apart, we still can relate to each other, because of our core common values. Everyone of us believes in small good things like love, care, respect, honor, code, devotion, hard work. Just a small incidence, I saw my friend in October 2008 at Diwali time. She was buying presents for her family. I asked her what is she buying for herself or her husband. She had money but she had not really thought about herself. She had just thought about happiness of the family. Thats something 'putting somebody else's happiness before us'!!

Yeah, these kinds people still exist. Thats how this world balances itself ... 

Work addiction

Have we noticed  'can' is a very disturbing word? It challenges you to do the impossible and as a constructive person one like to achieve impossible. So what really triggered this question? I was asked whether I can push some code to some level in one week? 'Can'? Oh yes. 5-6 cups of coffee, almost no food (not getting any fatter ;)) and non-complaining macbook helps you achieve the impossible. I could continue working till 2:00 AM. What had really gotten into me? 

I am just trying to understand my own progress in last few years. The girl who used to sleep at 10:00 PM no matter what, what has happened to her? I just want to thank god. I love what I do. I love the people I work with. They inspire me to do more and more. Just a few years ago, I could not understand how somebody can email at midnight. Now I do!! It all comes from the extreme dedication, passion towards your work. The dedication to document you work, write the best piece of code, test it well. Make sure that somebody with least bit of background can understand all of it.

Many a times you feel like an artist, first drawing an initial sketch and then to fill colors in the picture. There have been times I worked continuously for 10 hours in office, came home and started working in 20 minutes for another 4 hours. When I completed the work at 1:30 in the night, started listening song 'Zara zara' from Hindi movie 'Rehna hain tere dil main'. I was so fresh and alive, in fact I could not sleep before 3:00 :)

Software business is very volatile. Just the mere fact that technology, software, hardware changes so much, you just have to keep up. Once you get hold of these things, you want to experiment, set ways. Experimenting, researching is a very frustrating experience but at the same time most rewarding too. Software also means a lot of learning, reading. One cannot survive here without constantly reading about one thing or other. It is almost impossible to be the best in everything but of course that makes you humble and appreciative of people around carrying different skills and knowledge.

It is nice to find something that we like to this extent, enjoy it thoroughly. Dedication in something constructive activity helps so much in reducing stress because you feel lucky every moment! 

Nonetheless, it is also important to strike a balance between a passion and life. Sometimes that line becomes blurry but just the red line under the word 'addiction' helps you bring back ....

A good Indian wife

Yesterday night I finished reading a novel by Anne Cherian "A good Indian wife". I bought this book two weeks ago while surfing half price book store. I had not really heard the name of the novel or of author but the cover looked really interesting. The cover page definitely ignites a lot of interest in amateur people like me!

A novel should be something that you take in your hand and do not want to put it down before you are done with it. This novel is a great read, the mere proof is I finished reading it at 2:15 AM. Isn't that one of the best ways of starting a weekend? ;) The story in the novel revolves around Leila and Neel. Neel is accomplished doctor in San Francisco who goes to India to see his grand father and marries to Leila against his will just to honor grand father's wish. He has a settled life back in SF with a girl friends, mixed friend circle so he thinks about divorcing Leila even when marriage ceremony is happening. The story is about how struggle that Leila goes through. She pulls him through and justifies to him and herself that grand father's wish had a good reason behind it. You have to read the novel to know more details :)

Any marriage system that you take, there is always some flaw because marriage happens between two imperfect people. In Indian marriages girls are still looked upon a "show case item", not as a companion, friend, which kinda sucks. It just occurred to me how Indian girls are always taught to stick with the husband, forgive him whatever he did and how to continue with life by sacrificing ourself every day. Even in modern India, girls carry that thinking. I look around in the society and see how girls continue when husbands are being jerks at a times (telling wives that she has gotten fat while showing off their bellies :(.) or telling shamelessly that how somebody else's wife looked so good. I thought men knew women better than that!!

Sometimes even well educated men disallow women to work and force her to continue her house held responsibilities. I have seen girls, who were rankers in their class being at home and taking care of kids. Suddenly those girls loose all their freedom just because they are now 'Married'. How do these men do not understand that they are marrying a human being, not hiring a slave? We are not talking about mid west countries where women are not allowed to go to school, learn driving, go alone to the shopping. In a progressive society like modern India, I see bad things happening. I understand the main cause of this is lack of education, but how many light years are we going to take to treat women as human beings.

In a free country like USA too, I observe that girls are treated like secretaries even when they are colleagues. I am not feminist but my blood boils when I see above occurrences. My upbringing of 'no contradictions' kicks in and I continue to smile even though deep down I know that this is not right. 

Its a coincident that tomorrow is International women's day and I still feel a little hopeless. I know this is a little disturbing post, sorry cannot help folks. Sometimes you can not continue the show without showing what are you exactly feeling!!! 

Milestones

Last tuesday, I went with my friends for a dinner treat. My friend had completed her first year on her job. It kinda surprised me how excited she was to reach to this point. My surprise was because she has had previous jobs and she must have completed first years with them too. The thing that was different was that this was a full time job. In last one year I saw her going through various milestones. She got married to her fiancee. After a few months had a Indian wedding too. She has been a lot happy in last one year by beginning new stages of life. She got me thinking what milestone offers us. 

The word milestone itself is very meaningful word.  It offers sense of adventure, courage to take on little steps to reach there and finally amazing feeling of achievement.  All of us set big,  small milestones for us. Its a great feeling when you achieve one. For some people, its not enough because they have already started their journey towards next. However big and small milestone that we reach, its important to celebrate each and every one of them. There is nothing as satisfying as achieving something worthwhile and then have someone to celebrate with.  As someone rightly said, 'The greatest things in life are not things!'

There are few people in India who do 'parikrama' that means walking on river bank from its source to destination (where it meets Sea/Ocean). This usually mean thousands of kilometers distance. These people do not carry any money or food with them. If villager offer them the food, thats their dinner. If they do not get any food, then they survive on sweet river water. Those people definitely understand the meaning of milestone because they sustain rain, cold, sultry heat, no food at a times, not proper place to sleep. We all can hope that life teaches us to be humble to understand the value of constructive and creative milestone whoever it belongs to!

Introduction to Indian classical music

I learned Indian classical music when I was in school. I did not get much chance to pursue that for long though I never really gave up listening to music. My home environment always provided those kinda opportunities as mom and dad kept adding great cassettes to our collection deliberately. We had HMV cassette by Veena Sahastrabuddhe. The title of the cassette was 'A tribute to Pt. Omkarnath Thakur'. Oh my god, its ecstasy!! One should not miss a chance to listen to that recording. This sounds foolish now, but I had serious thought of going to Pune after 10th standard and learning music from her. I had heard that she teaches at SNDT, Pune. I guess god spared her :D

Today, out of blue sky, I was googling her and found a great amount of information about her on this page. If somebody would like to know basics about Indian classical music, just visit this page. I know you will be glad that you did. She not only does a perfect job of explaining all arcane things about music but also her presentation is a great journey to know the teacher behind an artist. This introduction is sufficient who wants to start listening now. A new listener can like and appreciate it when he/she knows the basics. Just borrow CD's from friends and explore the wonderful unfathomable world of music.

Classical musicians and Engineers

I was in India for Diwali. Its our family tradition to tune to 5:00 AM kirtan (praise of god) and after that head to Classical Indian music concert. When you live in city like Pune, the opportunities are ample. This year we attended music concert by Kaushiki Chakrabarty. I did not know much about her but dad had told us to get those tickets. I am not music connoisseur (would love to be some day) but what I really liked in her singing the way she connects with the audience. Somebody who does not know anything about Raga will know everything by the end of it. Her boltana (where one mixes up the song and taans) are amazing. She has developed that style from her father and teacher Pt. Ajoy Chakrabarty and also Pt. Jnan Prakash Ghosh. She sang Miyan ki Todi and Ahir Bhairav. I wished we could have recorded, it was an awesome concert. She sang a bhajan "Ab aa jaana bhagwan" (O God, please appear now) - brought tears to my eyes. We all have heard classical music from so many musicians but this artist performs some kind of magic. No wonder, all I hear in my car these days is "Raag Madhuvanti - Kaahe Maan Karo" by Kaushiki.

When we came home from the concert I was talking with my dad about her music and how did he know that she is so good. He pulled my legs by telling me that he has magical powers but then on my incessant insisting he told me that he had read the review. She had sung in Sawai Gandharva music festival in 2007 and of course the reviewer could not stop praising her. He was talking passionately how all these artists connect with the super power called as god with their music. It started a thought in my mind, does music really have that magical power that let a human being connect with the almighty? I may never find that out in this life time but then I guess its because these artist devote themselves fully to music. The connection is a result of ultimate devotion in anything that we do. Their music soothes so many peoples mind. It gives the endless joy to a common human being.

I am thinking, do I feel that connection being an engineer? Am I that devoted? Very few times I had felt it but I had :) It was when I forgot where I was when I was solving algebra problems or when I wrote Unix Operating Systems paper in Engineering or when I left office feeling that "my god, I can't believe that I could participate in that big project and do some work". My work do not give endless joy to others but I think, it gives endless joy to me at least that day. We engineers are thirsty people, we crave for more and more and many times nothing is satisfactory. May be that's the essence of this profession - bettering ourselves and hope that this journey give us that devotional feeling every day!

Birthday thoughts

Whenever my birthday comes, I am always dubious about what will happen this time. When I was a little girl, I used to wonder "is mom making fruit salad this year too?", "how will the birthday party go". In college it was so much fun celebrating particularly in girls hostel. One of my friend used to remember the birthday and used to give me a beautiful greeting card every year. It was more meaningful because she used to be blunt other days but that day she used to make me feel special. I felt it so many times. The other time, one of my best friend just wrote a nice poem about our friendship and made me realize that I hold one end of the friendship. It was just wonderful when she wrote me that poem. We have maintained our friendship even after several rifts and 8000 miles distance.

Now I stay away from my family and all these wonderful friends. I have made new friends here but they just seem to evade as time passes by. Somebody who celebrated my birthday with utmost enthusiasm last year, do not even call this time. It hurts, but then one cannot fathom the complexity of human mind and how it take decisions and sometimes the mind cannot find any logical reason too. May be just realize that we need to move on.

Yesterday when I left office I did not know what will happen that evening. We usually celebrate birthdays at 12:00 in the night, banging on the door, waking up birthday girl/boy from sleep and decorate their faces with cake. Will that happen this year too? May be not, most of my friends are back in India, so may be no one will celebrate. I was also missing the family so much because I just came back from India. I left office wrapped in all these thoughts.

I saw clear moon and thought it was specially bright for me :) While driving, I noticed christmas lights all over in Omaha downtown. This was one beautiful site. My doubts was gone. I was happier than usual. Truly just the presence of light enlightens our hearts so much. Even though nobody banged my door at 12:00 in the night, I got calls from family and friends in India. In the morning, there were emails and greeting cards in my inbox. Its just wonderful how small things like sending a greeting card can cheer up somebody's mood. There were celebrations in the office, at a friends place. The day was really really great. 

It just made me realize that there are people somewhere who are happy for me being a part of their life and thats what make my life more livable, so happy birthday to me!!!

What exactly I am thankful for?

Sometimes the festivals come at most unfortunate times. Here in US, almost everybody is getting prepared to celebrate Thanksgiving. I will celebrate too but I am deeply saddened when I think what exactly I am thankful for. I was all excited to celebrate but yesterday afternoon I heard about Mumbai bomb blast and spent all day finding out if the situation has improved. Mumbai is an identity for India. Its free spirit, infinite opportunities have lured people from all over the country. This act wants to dampen that spirit, even though Mumbaikar will not allow that, but only Mumbaikar need not brave all the time and suffer.

It is a difficult time for all humanity, because we are dealing with senseless people who are strongly motivated. This is high time that we as country take some action because we have to help ourselves now. There is a saying "God help those, who help themservles". We need better intelligence network, better communication from common man to police authority, and their action. India is a big country with huge population. Its foolish to expect government authorities to take care of its citizen simply because it cannot have that big of infrastructure. We as citizens need to be a little braver and need to put some trust in our police system. In democracy, one had to bear the responsibility first then has the right. It also means that government need to come up with some plan. I still like to believe that we have excellent people in government who are motivated to secure the country and they can do it.

Even though there is feeling of helplessness in my heart, simply because of being 8000 miles from my country, but I have not given up. I am going to donate money to help families who suffered trauma but I am also going to raise voice being a responsible citizen. I am thankful for being an Indian citizen and strong democratic values imbibed in me!

Voice and Video inside gmail

Finally, it works for mac too...

http://www.google.com/mail/help/videochat/learnmore.html

The pursuit of happyness

Just finished watching movie The pursuit of happyness. It is based on the early days of life of Chris Gardener. never imagined a life like that... so terrible. The struggle that was shown,  so unfortunate, could not hold my tears.

Thank god, the movie ends well. All is not lost... We get to see that the honest, hard working man is finally successful. Thank god!!!!!! Thank god.......

Do not need to write more than this.........

Subroto Bagchi - defining success

I just came across one beautiful article by Subroto Bagchi, Chief Operating Officer, MindTree Consulting. He delivered this speech on July 2nd 2004, the Class of 2004-2006 at the Indian Institute of Management, Bangalore on defining success . Here is the link 

http://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Welcome_Address_by_Subroto_Bagchi_at_IIMB

The essence of this talk is, 

Success to me is about Vision. It is the ability to rise above the immediacy of pain. It is about imagination. It is about sensitivity to small people. It is about building inclusion. It is about connectedness to a larger world existence. It is about personal tenacity. It is about giving back more to life than you take out of it. It is about creating extra-ordinary success with ordinary lives!!

I hope you will also love the article...

Projects and babies

Every time a developer finishes a project and hands it over, it happens to be the difficult period for a him/her. Why? Anxiety about your work? Is this project going to be successful? yeah. Will there be a need of modification? Will the modification too drastic so the design invalidates and I do not have face to show :( . Yeah that happens too. But the reason is more emotional than software engineering.  Yes we can argue whether software engineering is an art or science. Being an engineer, I always think that it is an art (Yes you always take opposite side just to check if you can defend it :D)

I am still in the phase that every project I do, I am emotionally attached to it. It just happens that that project becomes passion. You are thinking over it night and day. How to write the better code so that it will not break anytime. Doesn't it happen that you don't want to leave the work? Mostly because you yourself are so excited to see the project getting up to a certain stage. You are working extra hours without you yourself realizing that.  It becomes fun to work at 12:00 in the night and finish one part at least, so that you are ready to solve next puzzle in the project.  I have observed that when I am deep in the project, I am not too worried about what I am eating, driving or planning for weekend.  I do not need to listen to music to concentrate. I am not concerned if people are chatting around. I am in my own world. Gallup's concept of engagement is very well defined. I am most engaged when I understand what needs to be done, how to do because I have the capability to do it the best :) 

It just happened that every project I have worked for all these years, I have learned something new. Most of my projects at my office required me to experiment. With experiment, there is always an uncertainty. Many times, all requirements are not clear upfront, we take a shot in the dark but eventually every thing works out well and yes the project completes!!!!

Even though I am not a mother, but I think babies are also like this. Most of the mothers must not even realize how the times flies when they are around their babies.  They are thinking about well being of the baby all the time. Now I can understand what mothers feel when babies grow old and leave the house to start their own lives!!! 

But "The only constant thing in this world, is change", so we finally bid good bye and move on! Not always for the greener pasture but to something new.....